Vodka and pepper(true life story) and some ramblings

Black pepper please. Yes, I drank that and yesterday too. Just incase this sounds vaguely sensational, I will confess then that that really is my aim 🙂 I mean who gets to drink vodka and pepper and not talk about it? Nope, I am not drunk. Twelve hours of sleep and me here later is a proof, and being partly Eastern European should allay fears as this is somewhat common practice if you are to lazy to buy drugs and do not want a repeat pnemonia attack in summer?! Yes, it was hot all the way to my ears but my body being the great resistor as has become of late,is not easily letting go of diseases.

So this year my bragging rights of not being sick so often and all that nonsense have been relinguished. It doesn’t matter though. I think sometimes you win some , sometimes you learn from things that happen to you and so on. All things work together…We must die from something afterall, and how shall we if we do not somehow accumulate weakness and wear and tear before the D-day?

The Nepalese earthquake.I think as we grow older , stuff like this really hits us more. The impact of it all . The thousands of lives gone in a brief moment . Even more morbid is how desensitized I and many other have become to tragedy like this. It just isn’t close enough. It did not hit home base. Nepal is far away and that is why listening to such news could be brushed away with the appearance of a new client. Work has to go on. One thing still remains, christianity is still offensive. Check out some sites accusing christians of trying to market Jesus to emotionally vulnerable people and remember it really is all about darkness and light.

Why I like listening to Christian rap is maybe it’s similarity to the Bible. You can always find something new from the same passage. Same with rap verses. Like :

Yeah, even when they write us off, “church full of hypocrites”
Then you should feel right at home, like you never been a hypocrite
Why you think we all here, we need Jesus to deal with this

KB-Be alright

It gives answers you didn’t see were rational. Now tell me who hasn’t tried his hands at the job of a hypocrite at least once? And that’s how they drop their stones and leave…

God gives you things. That doesn’t mean you’d like them .To be fair though, you should ultimately at the end like them but for now, the present , when things are happening, not always. One of those things experience teaches you .He is really in the habit of taking away everything that gives you satisfaction apart from Him . He is not a tyrant though but He has the power to take away joy and happiness. That powerful. I believe that is what makes an adult anyway . An adult that can really give up his or her neck. That recklessness. There is something about it all…

Dante’s world of gardens had a memory loss garden. An idea that is interesting to not forget so soon. One day hopefully, we will have blessed memory losses from all the things we have gone through on earth.Life does end up killing us, but not for long.

To all my fathers that ain’t runnin
Please tell your daughters that you love them
And if you dont then somebody else will
Yo they need it just to hear it

Andy Mineo-stop the traffic

I found out Lecrae’s killa song has been played in strippers clubs. Good thing unless everything was edited and only “innocent” was all that was played.

So God help us with our issues. All the accumulated baggage of want and lack . The Lord is my sherpherd but good Lord do we somehow come out with scars and complexes. heal us God.

And I might add I was yo-ed at  and called a nigger in my new country recently. suppossedly harmless seeing it came from an ignorant child, but it has a way of reminding you that you have no home on this earth.

KB-Go off




When Adam and Eve were sad and dejected, I had peace. The peace of mind that passeth human understanding. My heart did not beat when Abel died. I cried no tears when Lazarus died. I could care less for the events of history . When Jewish  babies were murdered , I had peace of mind. Jesus came, died, rose again, but for two thousand plus years, none of it was my business. I really had peace, joy and non-existence , because I had not been born.

In 1914, I could sleep well. In the 1800’s I knew no worries. I cared not for the fashions of the 1700’s. Many wars, countries invaded but I cared not for any of those. Angels existed . Well, and so what? would have been my reply in the 1500’s, because again you see I had not been born.

This thing called life that we enter into and feel as if we have always lived it. It’s strange how thousands of years have passed with me oblivious to them all. It seems they all compress into one very short minute, after which I enter. The rest that I rested from the times of Noah till this days seem so short and I feel I have always existed , yet reality is I have lived just two decades of time and life.

Oh that the days when I did not care about Armenian women hung on a cross, when I did not have to read anything, when I had no care in the world. The perfect peace of the unborn . Can it be ? Will it be again? Has life forever  taken my innocence? Will I in a little while once again regain that peace? Life is painful, very painful. Evil things, really evil things occur .The Armenian women on the cross.

How do you run to a God who can offer you nails and a crucifixion for comfort. How scary if He calls Himself still the father of all comforts. If this is where comfort lies, who can deliver us from such comfort? Where are the softs beds and the roses? I read psalm 145 yesterday and I call it now the “all psalm” because of the use of “all ” severally. But I can’t. Devillish crimes commited is not abstract. It’s not fiction . It’s not poetry . It is reality. It happened. It is happening. Right now.

Oh that peace would come again and that once more, time would be compressed and we would have no memories of this time on earth.

He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death’ or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”
Revelation 21:4

For the sake of God’s glory

   There is no joy or happiness that will not grow dim on the day God brings us into true , visible and everlasting joy. Everything will be forgotten on this earth and true life will begin. That is why I think that doing things for people should be seen as doing it for the Glory of God. We make people happy when we love them and care for them . Husbands will be happy and pleased with faithful wives and vice versa. Parents will be pleased with good children , and friends with faithful friends and trustworthy people for business and so on. Yet, being good to make parents proud is a secondary reason. The primary reason should be for the Glory of God because no matter how happy we make another human,no matter how much  we will love each other, heaven will make it so dim if we get to remember our lives here. Doing things therefore, primarily for the Glory of God is the point. We are faithful and loving towards each other because we want to see God’s glory revealed. It rubs on  our personal lives such that making each other happy is only a by-product of having done it for God’s glory. Our desire should be for God’s glory. That is sustainable . Unlike earthly joys, pleasure and love and care here, God’s glory is forever. Every other enjoyment for ourselves comes from giving God the glory.

These words are powerful :

Habakkuk 3

17Though the fig tree does not bud
    and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
    and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
    and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
    I will be joyful in God my Savior.

19 The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
    he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
    he enables me to tread on the heights.

My week so far

This would be a bit personal as I have learnt and relearnt some things this week, some from the books I read, the people I spoke to and the things I saw .

I had an interesting conversation with a man yesterday. I don’t know what it is about me that makes people want to talk and talk for a long time . God has given me the ability to listen to people and to sit long hours as well, plus I like listening to people anyway more than I like to talk , so its a win win both ways. Also, I should add that it might not be a coincidence that somehow the conversation steers to religion and usually am not the one who brings the topic up! I want to believe that God is preparing me by letting me listen to what people have to say about religion to know how best I should prepare. He says we should study His word to show ourselves approved. We need to know how to reply people, what to say to them when they have objections and so on.

Frankly speaking, I am overwhelmed by the way satan has used so many philosophies to blind people. If there ever existed a liar and a good one, he really gets the prize. The bible calls him the father of all lies. I listened to lies to the point of being afraid if there really can be redemption for people , but I have hope that there is a God who can do it. He can transform. The word of God has inherent power. That is something I had to relearn. It is not the sower who does the work, It is the seed of God, which is the word of God that has power, when spoken, meditated upon and prayed upon. That is why jesus said that just by hearing Him speak , they were already cleansed. John 15:3. But even then , Jesus has to speak. The letters in the Bible can kill and make a pervert man more pervert and a blind man even more so if the spirit of God does not breathe upon them. It will not leave a person unchanged  is what I believe. Man must be convicted, or hardened by the word of God. Even indifferent to it and that is still a reaction. People will react to the word of God whether they believe it or not because there is power in it.

So back to my conversation. I learnt  much. My companion said he had read the Bible, the Koran and other books and he believed that it was all psychology . A play on people’s minds. That God did not cause the flood because He is good, that He loves everyone and that God is made of two sides, God-the good side and the devil-the tempter and both perform their duties. That at the end we should live right and that is all that matters. He said he was a modern man and prefered not to believe in any at the end of the day but instead live right.

Something in me sprung up at this time. Live right. We just can’t live right, but that is one of the lies that satan has planted in us. We are sinful people who are blind to our faults and need someone to point them out to us . God clearly says that Jesus is the only way to be saved but satan has made us ignore the rules and regulations and instead focus on the name “God” and assuming what “God” wants. God did not say living right is what He requires. He said “come to Jesus and be saved”. That our good deeds are filthy rags and can never be enough. As one of the members of thr RZIM team once said , we can’t measure goodness because we don’t know how many good deeds we need to do in the first place. Is it one? twelve thousand? Will the person who does a little less than nine thousand be sent to hell? and so on. We have created a God of our own making and it is terrible.

I feel sad because many people are counting on good deeds even when information is available and then i realize that this is a problem in the spiritual realm. Spirits are at work causing people to be blind. God Himself allows people to be deluded but He knows those who are His. Now I don’t know who is His and I cannot judge the hearts of men to know their sincerity or lack of it , so in the meantime I have realized that we realy need more workmen to preach, correct and pray in all urgency. Time is running out and people are going to hell.

I also was stunned this week by unforgiveness. As Christians we must forgive. I was stunned this week to find out someone I know has held on a grudge for over twenty years. I cannot fathom the depth of bondage. It is a wake up call for me and anyone reading this. Please you cannot live like that. The devil uses unforgiveness to keep us stuck in chains. God cannot move in the life of an unforgiving person . That is a body open to so much demonic attack, sickness, unforgiveness from God Himself because He said He will not fogive us if we do not forgive. That is years of unanswered prayer! It’s very sad. Unforgiveness at the end of the day causes death. But it baffles me how satan is able to let someone hold grudges for that long, and yet we say we are good people?

I met a woman with something like a  tumor on the left side of her face this week as well. It covered her entire left face, her eyes and made that part buldge. I also read on HONY recently about a woman who has had to live with epilepsy for so long , having fits almost everywhere and I like everyone else thought that my problems were insignificant compared to her struggles. Health is something we take for granted. Many times I have said that if I pass through this headache or stomach ache, i would never complain again. I do get through it but end up sometime later taking everything for granted once again. So I have learnt it is good to be unselfish and if you think you have a bad day , think of other people’s struggles and instead be thankful. That way you can be of help to someone and pray for other’s struggles.

I have also relearnt that riches are temporary. Infact everything is except God. Today you can earn this and have so many workers and a wife and children. Tomorrow all that could be gone. Life is fleeting. Things are temporary so hold it in a flat palm and not in a clenched fist. Be humble and let God be your satisfaction.Also, goods days do not have to be the reason for you to be happy. The sun is good and it is shining and all looks merry and well, but that is not the reason to have a good mood and be happy. laughter and all that is good but that is not good enough. God should be the reason. The unfailingly nature of God is a legitimate reason and not the weather. I see people placing all their joy of the day on the sunlight shining and the sales there are making that day . What of tomorrow, when rain and snow falls? That too will be the day that the Lord has made and we must rejoice in it for it is good.

This week I have been troubled about evil. I had my tommy rumble rather too loudly infront of someone and yes it was embarrassing and yet I know that even in those moments God is interested in my wellbeing and even my hair strands. So it bothered me that there are girls aged eight, nine and so on being raped and sold as sex slaves elsewhere. It bothers me a lot because I know that God is interested in my cut finger or is He not? but that there are many girls of my age being abused right now. I don’t know how to be happy except I forget them and not imagine what they are going through at the moment and forget them i must for many hours in a day , like now as I write this blog post and when I have to go about my daily activities. But yet God will not forget them . Still we should do something for those girls and for people we know suffering. It’s not easy to be less selfish but lets’s try to minimize entertainment time and be active , at least in praying if we cannot do anything else.

Finally about being crazy, fanatic or whatever for God. I have realized that people have gone before us. There is a cloud of “fanatic” witnesses who have gotten themselves stoned, burnt , eatten by lions and so on for Jesus. Jesus our saviour took His calling very seriously, the apostles did. So if you need encouragement, look at them for examples and be “fanatic” as they call you. I am saying this because I read somewhere the what were supposed to be christian opinions and advice to a lady who said there was no cuddling and kissing in her relationship . That she did not want sex but she wants cuddling. I was angry and I will not hide it. It really vexed me. This is a site that would say no sex before marriage , but the next moment go soft and be sympathizing with the plight of a woman who isn’t cuddled. worst part is she was not even sure he was going to marry her because of his recent “wayo “ways of less cuddling. Now if the “heartbreak” occurs, she would be hurt because of emotionally entangling herself. And what if this happens with the next man and the next? can she say she really has been faithful to what the avenger said in His word?  Those who offered a different opinion on the matter were shut down because physical intimacy is apparently good and not sex. I wonder then what leads to fornication? But then again God says he knows His own and it is not our business to compare. He will teach who He will. Our duty is to follow Him for satan is out there looking for even the elect to decieve. Another reason to follow Christ and not make Christians your saviour.

And there you have it.

Finally number two, I have to remind ourselves that preaching, writing, encouraging, infact using all the gifts of the Holy spirit is good but will not take you to heaven. The donkey could warn the prophet and that was a wonder, but the donkey did not go to heaven. same with us. We can have power to do many wonderful things for God but it will all be in vain if on that day Jesus does not even say we backslided, but that He never knew us. That will not be our portion in Jesus name

He is my beauty

No one would love me if I had not been made. No one loved me in the secret, not even my mother because she had not known me then.She could not have. My first parent was God. No one looked upon a mass of tissue and loved it and had plans for it even before the foundations of the world were laid. I am writing this so I do not forget and you do not either.

Who loves more? Whose expressions of love will satisfy more? Is it the kisses of the spouse or child or is it the one who made the mouth? Would arms have ever known how to hold the waist if no one had ever made it and in that shape too? Who pulled skin ever so neatly on my bones to cover it, touching nerves, muscles, blood. Do I imagine that one touch from Him is less than so many hugs? Who could ever speak soothing words and sweet nothings into my ears if I never had them ? If they had never been created?  Whose very own voice can make creation come out of nothing? Is it not God? God knows how to love till death, to life. God knows how to love every bit and part of what He has made forever.

We will not fall

Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.
Psalm 143:10

Immediately you pray this prayer, the devil takes notice.He will want to make you unteachable, to steal the word, and to corrupt your senses, the organs you use to take in information and absorb learning. You want to see God and he will run to corrupt the visual medium. Suddenly you will become so aware of the evil that has been set to entice your eyes and steal your heart, your ears will hear corruption so you despair and your heart will be tempted as well. Hush..hush the devil will say to it . He will want to cause your feet to stumble and want to give you thoughts in your mind that will rise up against God.

But God will prevail because He has prevailed. He is the I AM THAT I AM. He has done it. It is finished. We will learn. We are teachable. We will do what He has asked us to do because He has given us an excellent spirit, an obedient spirit, a spirit of wisdom and nothing will take us away from His hand. He will not lose any one of us, no matter what the father of lies says. We will not be decieved. We will not stumble. We will not fall. We will not thirst or go hungry because Jesus promised.

Then Jesus declared, “I am the bread of life. Whoever comes to me will never go hungry, and whoever believes in me will never be thirsty.John 6:35 

The lord is my sherpherd, I shall not want..psalm23:1

His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness.2 Peter 1:3

We can do all things through Christ and we will do because it is finished. The war to get us everything including faith to live the life of an overcomer has been won for our sakes.

Really, satan prowls around like a roaring lion looking for whom to devour. Years of being around humans has made him see our weaknesses and how to get to each one of us . He knows how to get to me, you and the whole world if God in His mercy did not step in to save us. Let our hearts be guarded. I have never seen anyone so alert waiting to pounce on the slightest act of carelessness like satan. He wants the bridges to fall. To steal, kill and destroy is his mission but Glory belongs to Our Father in heaven.

what shall we say about such wonderful things as these? If God is for us, who can ever be against us? 32 Since he did not spare even his own Son but gave him up for us all, won’t he also give us everything else? 33 Who dares accuse us whom God has chosen for his own? No one—for God himself has given us right standing with himself. 34 Who then will condemn us? No one—for Christ Jesus died for us and was raised to life for us, and he is sitting in the place of honor at God’s right hand, pleading for us.

Jesus said He does not even need to pray for us, because the Father loves us .John 26 In that day you will ask in my name. I am not saying that I will ask the Father on your behalf. 27 No, the Father himself loves you because you have loved me and have believed that I came from God. 

God will save us even when satan rises to mock us and point accusing fingers at us. God help us in Jesus name.

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13

Dada( fictitious)

Singwhy did he stop singing? You know how it is when you want someone to come around and wish they would come around to see you , but they don’t. Then you cry and force yourself to forget because it must be good for you that they never do come to see you . But then they do come and you feel resentful because they did not come when you wanted. Why come now? Why come and make me realize the resent I thought I never felt? My heart is wicked ,eh? But you…you are perfect. Why sound so perfect and have it all together when for me it’s the most “wonderful “time of the year? That time when I can’t control how fast my happy ” strings” drop?

So Dada why have I found it easier to be ungrateful to the people who care most about me? Why do I find it easier to turn my nose down at those who know and love me? Why do I find it easier to find faults in them ? But then again dada, people find it so eaiser to bounce in and out of my life or so I feel today. Pop in when convenient, make promises and bounce out with a sorry sign. With a hey sorry, but am out of here , but you , however you do manage is left to you. I do not even have time to find out your coping strategy. But then they come back. And am supposed to need their presence? If I managed that long, why now? Is it really about me, dada or about them? Is it them needing me or me needing them or what? Dada? Am I not a sweet, lovable person who should be protected? Why does papa think am so strong to see them come and conquer?

Fine dada ,I am not that evil. I mean I will come around eventually. My heart is soft and I have loved too much to take much offence. But the resent. I can’t seem to get out of it. Why am I to make the sacrifice of not minding that the way I want them to care, they don’t? Why, dada , should I feel like I should not mind if they are not interested in the things that will show they really bother about those little things that I want people to show they care about? sigh…

Nothing. Am fine dada. It doesn’t really matter eventually. At the end of the day what can I really do especially when papa has carried mama’s face to remind me He made her? Whatever dada, he is not my brother so if I feel sad today, I will mourn as long as it takes because it is the most wonderful time of the year and I can’t help it . Pray for me dada.

If Godwillbemysatisfaction