I am thirty years old, but I don’t exist yet. Prints i zlidaria. Nso ami not seen ke e. . . Erimibot. Urgh… Okay. This world has a way of laughing at us . If you direct a show on law and order, you end up breaking it yourself. If you give relationship advice, na dey your wahala go show face. You will end up having to see your own relationship going astray. That is the way the universe does it. The first will be last and the last will be first and everything  will turn upside down because our world is messed up.
Trust. Tell me who can I run to, who can I trust with my life if I have to? Ayo sings in her song “who” . She doesn’t give an answer but I do. God. Honestly, I don’t still see any place in the bible where we are asked to trust people. We are asked to love but trust is not a requirement. I was talking to myself this afternoon. Yes, I think there is a test which shows smart people talk to themselves, so it is not what you are thinking 🙂  . So basically I was asking myself if there is anything I cannot imagine or think are off limits-unbelievable-oh-my-goodness-did-that-just-happen? My answer is no. Do i think I can talk to a harmless tv presenter and he or she suddenly reaches out for no reason to strangle me and i won’t be shocked? My answer is no. I can imagine the scene . Anyone could go mad any day, many people are hiding luxurious sins in their hearts, you never really can tell. How do i know? I belong to the human race and I know my heart as the Bible says is capable of great evil. Yep mushy introvert and all but sin is not a respecter of temperament so one thing I trust is that everyone i meet is capable of great evil except God restrains him or her . Not very flattering, but if any one sees me , truth is that is actually what i think of you and the bible says so too.

So, basically trustless. Being distrustful is liberating. You are free to trust what will never fail and your trust would cover up your reliance in the one you are trusting to keep the humans you meet from doing the strangling and harm that they could so easily do even with all that education, given the right circumstances of course. I trust no one and that is not a bad thing. It gives space for people to fail and you to not be affected. People are owned by God afterall and you do not need to heave and sigh no more. You can breathe freely and trust God instead to make all things work for your good. Do i now think a holy spirit filled brother can commit adultery? Very much. Do i think that a man who prays eight hours could be be watching child porn? Very much. Only the grace of God. Did i think this way early this year? No. But experience and the bible says the heart is evil and only God sustains. Everyone is at risk of falling into great sin. I vouch for no one. I see every great preacher as the equal of a young Christian. With years of experience or not, years of discipline or not, no man is clove anything until we leave this earth. Satan never stops disturbing us till we leave, so yes and no, depending on how you answer in English, no man is too big to be tempted, not even me , your dear writer .

Trust in the lord with ALL your heart is the word for the day. Not in people, not in your perceptions of them , not in their good behavior, not in the gentleness and works towards you. Not in their promises . Not in their frame. Not in yourself but in God.

In Christ alone, my hope is found. He is my guide, my strength, my song. Amen.

When am thirty…

If I become thirty,let this be the same words I say.



   Підсумки тиждня  🙂  even though ofcourse today is just wednesday. I feel I have lived a long time in the the past fifteen days . It has been days of so much turbulence and soul searching and changes in my life . Recently, I said goodbye to a wonderful friend and brother, my confidant and the closest person I have ever had apart from my mother , and it was mutual and for reasons of maintaining purity , and though we both were led by God, I realize that once we lose something, good or bad , we will hurt and cry and want to cling unto it. It is just the natural process of grieving and mourning for what once was, but God knows best and He prepares us before He leads us through the valley and He takes us and makes us better even when we can’t see where He is leading us to .

I had an unusual occurence. I have done a blood test recently because I have been very fatigued for weeks . First , my name was mixed up and the day I did my blood test my mirror broke in half(lol) and the night before I dreamt of blood cancer and in the afternoon I had ads pop up on blood cancer , and I had not googled any of that  🙂 . Well, the test is out and I do have some erythrocytes that are getting ahead of themselves , though I am yet to meet the doctor to know what is up.

Work has been unusual as well, No one comes on days I work and that is quite strange , and a friend recently joked I should pour some olive oil on my chair at work (ha, hilarious, but we are africans ) .

As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.

So, down with the natural, lets talk about the supernatural. The things of the spirit. The question of Yoga. Good or not? I have read so many interesting views that I do not want to go into deeply for now, but Pastor John on did it for me finally. The question is not if it is good or not. That is one side of looking at it. There is another question that could be asked. Will this activity draw me closer to Jesus? will it make me more prayerful? More desirous of pursuing holiness and righteousness. Some things are not evil, but on weighing them carefully, they neither take away your salvation, nor do they make you progress spiritually. I think in that case, stagnation might not be a good thing and so, that might be a bad thing. It is infact a bad thing and so for anyone who wants to get a good , sound theological answer to the question of yoga, which is by far my favorite article on it , here :

I believe the way of handling yoga is the same way we should handle every seemingly harmless activity. Instead of asking what is inherently wrong with an activity, ask instead if it leads you closer to Jesus .

I read the book of Jobs recently and it was beautiful. I had somehow not noticed how God described the horse. I think , you should take some time to meditate on the horse as God created him. The animal that isn’t afraid of wars .

Job 39:19-24

19 “Do you give the horse his might?
    Do you clothe his neck with a mane?
20 Do you make him leap like the locust?
    His majestic snorting is terrifying.
21 He paws[a] in the valley and exults in his strength;
    he goes out to meet the weapons.
22 He laughs at fear and is not dismayed;
    he does not turn back from the sword.
23 Upon him rattle the quiver,
    the flashing spear, and the javelin.
24 With fierceness and rage he swallows the ground;
    he cannot stand still at the sound of the trumpet. ESV

I also learnt something new . Emotional first aid. It was from a tedx talk. When you have a physical wound, you don’t go round with it, you rush to do something about it, but not so with emotional wounds. Nowhere do we hear people who cut their hands with blood dripping being told to forget about it or deal with it, without helping, but with inner problems we tend to do so . That is not right and coming from the Christian perspective, God is our comforter, always run to Him immediately , not when you find a place convenient for you, do it immediately and get help from Him.

ALso, I learnt some interesting thing about negative self talk . Talk to the inner you, the voice in your head that tries to tell you why you are not good enough or not this or that. I believe satan uses voices to discourage us, but also I learnt you can treat that inner you as a scared or younger version of yourself. Treat that person with kindness. Imagine that person as your child . What would you say if your child came and told you she was not pretty enough, was too clumsy , that he or she was being laughed at for failing. right, you would encourage and not beat him or her more about it, but tell him or her postive words. Now, go and do that to yourself using what God says about you . Give yourself a treat with the life giving and healing words of the Bible! God bless

You alone

Psa 73:25 Whom have I in heaven but thee? And there is nothing upon earth that I desire besides thee.
I remember reading a book about ten years ago and i still remember the first sentence in it. It said that life was like a roll, it rolls and rolls dully until one day, when order is displaced and its like some sudden thing happened. I am paraphrasing because i can’t remember via exact words but that is the personal image i have in my head. I have always remembered that sentence especially in moments when i look back at the days that passed with nothing memorable but yet all brought about that one moment of climax where lives just change and we say this and that happened in a slit second, in a moment. In truth, various activities had led to that point. Nothing happens in isolation.

Why does this explanation have to do  with the verse above? Well, when all is said and done , are  you ready to meet God at anytime. I have always been able to detect when change is brooding under the mother hen called destiny. I feel like Paul that my time is limited. Failing health and too much knowledge and urgency in my life to do some things. I wonder, are you ready? Can  you really say that God is your very all in all? Everywhere people are dying suddenly. Young, old, rich, poor. Death is knocking and I would like to think I am prepared for it and that you are too.

Flood my eyes with light

Psa 19:13 Keep back thy servant also from presumptuous sins; let them not have dominion over me! Then I shall be blameless, and innocent of great transgression.RSV.

I believe that the safest  way to live each day is by humbly admitting that without God, you are very blind. To say daily that you do not know everything and just because you know one thing does not lend to the truth of you knowing a second thing. You could know one aspect of a matter and fail with getting the conclusion right. Infact you could get your understanding right but fail in the application. We are people who are ready to feed our biases and already preconstructed views on how things work. We readily agree that someone’s else’s perception of things are wrong but ours correct. It is easier to go easy on ourselves with regard to what is right or wrong because someone our feelings instead of God’s word tells us that we have everything under control and since yesterday His grace was sufficient for us , somehow we must be infallible and all our actions and words would always be good. Well, that is presumption and we can be very wrong when we presume all is fine when Infact we do have a problem. A problem we are blind to.

So, I would like to stress the importance of prayer. The prayer to get spiritual light to flood our inner eyes,to remove the scales from our eyes and logs of wood , to save us from presuming that we are doing things right. The holy spirit is always available to show us and convict us and discipline us individually. For each of us , it will be different. Our areas of need are different and the solution will come specifically tailored for us. Do not presume all is well, that you teach right, that your actions are not selfish, that your heart is right. Find out daily from God to avoid presuming your way into pain and evil.

God is the only one you can give all the attention to compulsively, impulsively, sucking in and He would never feel drained by any of it . The more you fix your eyes on Him and draw from Him, the more He has to give and replenish. He is never lacking, He needs no space from you, He needs no distance to breathe from your needy clutches. He is always available and dear.

A funny affair

Story story
Funny things happen to people everyday and I guess I am not excluded. I mean , we are not about to have an argument on whether or not or think I am a human being or not , are we? So, let us proceed.
So, yesterday, a man with hair polished black. I can recognize natural black hair from hair polished, thank you very much  🙂 , and more, I can discern if it might have been polished with something like shoe polish.

So, this man comes into the shop, wearing a black shirt, shoes black, can’t remember if the trousers were black or not. I really want it to be black, so I can make my story juicy , but I can’t remember. Must have really been bad on me, eh.

This man comes in and tells me that someone left a key. Now, by this time , from his appearance I was already remembering all the stories my dad told me of gypsies who charm people in Russia, and this man looked like one. Worse, my Nigerian mind was wondering how a white man was going to do juju on me. Rituals gini? where are the native doctors at ?

So, anyway, I was in shock, Key? What Kind. Blood of Jesus. lol , yea it was that bad. Am I that faithless ? or worse for my accusers, paranoid? “Key?” I asked stammering. ” I worked here , yesterday ” is what I told him , wondering if his pause was hidden charm working. You know those jazzed people in taxis? ehm

well, I then remembered that I do sell keys anyway . Spanners to be precise and that must have been what he was asking all along.pffft. all that scary things he was sharing for nothing.

To cut the story short, the key was not with me, but the other part of the shop had his ordered key. phew!

Moral of the story: please don’t dye your hair black especially when you look so pale. If you do, do not on any account wear a black shirt . well, if you fail and do both, please do not wear black shoes or hold a black bag and if you doooooo, do not pause when talking especially when talking to a semi black girl, one from Nigeria to be precise. and more importantly, don’t ask me for keys .lBiko , what was that all about? Keys . high blood pressure isn’t worth unknown keys . Thank you

P.S Rivers and Robots are a wonderful group. Check them out!