Monthly Archives: December, 2015

Lessons from 2015

What 2015 has taught Me:
20 15 did not begin with a bang. It was winter and winter never begins with a bang especially if it is a continual process. So ,I don’t like writing stuff like this for the vain reason that a lot of people are doing the same thing, but I think this would be good for record purposes and God willing, if I see the end of 2016, I might have memories to look back on.

In 2015, I learnt that life is really not as boring and predictable as I thought. I no longer think I have seen everything that is to be seen under the moon and as much as I steel myself against surprises, 2015 has taught me that as long as I live, my ability to be surprised would not die off completely. The good ones and the bad ones, I will be surprised and shocked by one from either group. Inevitable, sort of.

2015 has left left a residual line in my head “no one is indispensable” .Those words play in my head frequently. I lost a relationship that began with those words and whose nature was in convincing me that the statement was untrue, and whose end made me realize that it might be true after all. Like the cycle of life, the end justified the means, and so I bore my losses remembering that all turns out for good at the end of the day. This in a way makes me want to be more of a friend to people than expect same from them. So here is to more giving than receiving and that should be good for everyone.

2015 did not leave me feeling super exceptional, which is something I had taken for granted for years. In 2015, I was many times average, or less than average despite my efforts. In a way, this made me rest less on myself, capabilities and strength. It made me detach  myself more from what people think they know about me or what I thought I knew about me. It made me desire more to be satisfied in being known by God accurately even when no one understands or views me the way I would want. It made me value stories of  ordinary men like David Brainerd to unknown people without the cameras and yet be happy that even in obscurity, he was not forgotten by his maker.

2015 has taught me to be okay to fail and make mistakes, and not lose hope.It has taught me to live each day at a time and to not stress even when  I can’t see the big picture. That seconds are for living too and not just the glamorous next something something years ahead.

2015 has taught me that my needs will always be provided even if its the last second before a major disaster. This is something I have to believe more and I am hoping 2016 takes note because it is all about Him taking us deeper than our feet could ever wander.

And lots more…

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Verbal abuse

Verbal abuse is that one type of abuse whose strength can be better understood by the popular comparison of the pen being mightier than the sword. Blows do not come in the physical force of the fist , but in the attack of personality,intrinsic worth and meaning assigned to one’s role in the society. It’s strength is not measured in the loudness of words being spoken, but in the arrangement of words spoken. Words spoken even as a whisper can harm the mind so greatly when we talk about verbal abuse.
Verbal abuse is one of the marks left by sin in a fallen world.

Words. The Bible says God’s words have power and can penetrate through the marrow and bones. With words, He can bring into existence things that are not. Thoughts are thought with words and God’s thought which are numerous like the sands of the sea are always good thoughts for us. This power and ability is what the devil craves and craved from the foundation of the world and just like he has corrupted everything good, he has also been able to through people as his mouth piece, practice the penetration into intricate nature of other people who were made in God’s image with the aim of destroying them.

Verbal abuse affects everyone in a sense that good things and bad things happen to both believers and not. It is not something that a believer is immune to, but I will stick with why verbal abuse is a form used by satan against believers. By calling ourselves  Christians, we are setting ourselves up to be challenged. We are affirming that we believe we have been made worthy by God and bear His imprint, we are saying to ourselves and to the world that we are royalty, a chosen generation and people, exclusive, bought by blood that is precious. That drives satan mad.Our confidence is threatening to him and he seeks to destroy, speak lies and distort this information just so we despair .

Our new life in Christ is one that is supposed to kill our egos.Less of us and more of Him. In a way , just like Joseph we can gauge how much of ourselves we have and how little of Jesus we have and vice versa. What Joseph’s brothers thought would harm Joseph instead was used for the good of the people and Joseph; he was made the head in charge of provision for a nation. So, we can , from discovering how much verbal abuse hurts us, discover where our faith really was placed in. Was it in in flesh, reputation , ability and talents, when those things are criticized and our person insulted, or was it on Jesus , the rock who never shifts and changes. If we really believed God’s word over man that we were made for Glory(what privilege! Who can take that away from us? Neither demons, angels, things on earth or below?), would we be so upset as we are? Doesn’t this give us the grace and power to ignore the lies or satan? I BELIEVE it should.

Truth be told, nothing is easy. Even belief is not easy. Prayer is always our ready weapon of reaffirmation of God’s word in our lives. After knowledge of who we are comes the grinding of it into our spiritual man till we breathe it out. We need to pray, speak God’s truth when we are cursed and abused verbally. It cancels all negativity.

What if we are abused by parents,workers, bosses and the rest? Are we to continue in such environments where so much negativity thrives? Is it for us to be weakened constantly because we want to show our faith?

I believe God gives wisdom. Where it is possible to state your grievances with no negative result due to confrontation such as physical violence, then such complaints should be stated.It is not wrong to demand that name calling be stopped and if possible be reported to appropriate quarters.If need be and if circumstances allow, remove yourself from an environment as such,but everything should be done in a peaceful and orderly manner, for at the end of the day, no amount of name calling changes who we are in Christ , neither can they take away our intrinsic worth away. God finds us worthy of His love because of Christ.

….story

Today he needed to flaunt the dumb look. You know? Like move around with powdered milk by the side of his mouth and pretend he did not have the intelligence enough to wipe it off. To pretend he needed someone to tell him to wipe it off, so he could pretend to be humble and smile a shy smile and make them feel relieved. Because intelligence intimidates. Its easier to control dumb people, they would think. Easier to laugh at them too. Dumb people wouldn’t get an insult or sarcasm even if you put in under their nose.

“ah aunty aunty, anything for me today?” he asked. He made sure a part of his shirt had not been properly tucked in. It was necessary to look unkempt to really play the part. A little mud on his trousers and dusty feet made it even better and that was how he looked.That way his poverty would look appealing and not intimidating to the “aunty” who felt glad to drop a little “something”, a little change with her well air conditioned hand out of the car. And she zoomed off.Oga’s wife.

Who cared that he liked to daydream? That being a gate man was not really something he was cut out for? Who cared that at that moment , all he wanted to do was sit in a cottage by the sea -side . Who would be surprised that he even knew what “sea-side “meant? Would they not laugh at him, at the  coconut head gate man they all thought him to be?

But he wanted more. He knew there could be more. There had to be more. After drinking a satchet of water, he would think. He would enter his own world where he was master and a boss, where the amount of money in his pocket did not determine his value. Where he didn’t have to pretend to be dumb and poor and a flatterer just to collect “change”

No self preservation

I have preserved myself so much and made myself unfit for living. Made myself walls and iron bars to keep you all from intruding. Worn masks and a shield to prevent the world from seeing the heart I wear on my sleeves. Done all this because I run on the fuel of self preservation.Because I have forgotten that here is where I get to live and empty myself. Because I have forgotten that here is the only place I get to experience hurt and loss, betrayal and all things broken and no more after here and now. And it should be savored. It is only for a little while and no more.

So why do I overly preserve myself? Why am I afraid to reach out and tell you first that I care about you? Why do I shut my mouth when all I really want to tell you is that I love you and I need you and I want you and …Why am I afraid that it might be a mistake to do so? Why am I afraid of mistakes?

“to let myself go …to let myself go…is the only thing for me”Anne Brun.

I keep my mouth shut even when I see that you are dying. I know I have the words to heal you but I don’t speak them because I am afraid you would get angry. I am afraid you would hate the truth because the truth can be bitter. I don’t know because I have not tried. I don’t know if in your case , it might be sweet in your tongue after being bitter in your belly. I haven’t given myself a chance to tell you…because self preservation is my idol. Forgive me.

I look at you and I see you need a hug, a warm touch, maybe a gift, something to make you smile, something to gladden your heart, but I am afraid. I am afraid you would take me for granted, I am afraid I would become common in your right. I am preserving my right to be exclusive, to be mysterious, to be special and uncommon and rare , forgetting that true living and true sacrifice requires me to get dirty, to get my knees scraped , to get myself unnoticed many times, to be taken for granted, to be pushed to my limit. That is what life is.

To let myself go. To let myself go.To be free from self preservation. To not bury my talents. To not withhold myself from reaching out…to be there for you…to be a light and salt like I was meant to be. To think more of giving than receiving…to show you Jesus.

Random

One , two, buckle my shoes…three,four…knock at the door…your door…

“who’s there?”
Anonymous opens the door.
Long stare. Eyeball to eyeball. Phew! Enough already.
“so who are you?”
“I am so and so. I have come to knock on your door”
Anonymous asks the why question “because?”
“because you have a door”
You can hear the blink blink of huge eyeballs blinking in unison and then the eruption comes:
Hahahahahaha. Fullstop.
“No, really, I demand to know who you are” says anonymous.