Maybe this is the part where I get to steal a handkerchief and wipe off the sweat I feel should be sliding indiscriminately off my face at the moment, because erhh* , what eggzackly did i mean by reading this ( God of small things . I know I will keep referencing this book for a while(referencing doesn’t sound correct , neither does a bracket in a bracket look too good ) but erm , this is how we are going to roll for a while .
Back to the beginning . Why am I writing this? Well, because I was given a book to read . A book written by Asa Akira; an American pornographic actress and adult film director. I definitely do not advice moving further in the google search . You can read Wikipedia for more but hey! don’t go to videos (I did not send biko!) . The title of the book is “Insatiable Porn-a love story . Why did I read this ? Truth be told, before I was given , I had been planning to write about sex for two weeks , My feelings about sex , my desires to have sex (
em yes, you can goan die on this one if you like) and here was a book that said female unstrained sex! Okay, you get it now . I grabbed it and hoped to God I did not make the wrong decision , because truthfully pornography turns people on brethren. Reading erotic work has the potential to turn you on . Did this happen to me ? There is a saying that you cannot stop a bird from perching , but you can stop it from forming a nest ( I did not google to confirm this because I don’t realy want to and I feel it is right anyway 🙂 ) and I thought about it , if an Asa Akira ever approached me , only this time not to tell me with glee about her joy as a sex worker, but more to confess her burden for being one , then I hope to be able to listen to her no matter how graphic and advice her . That happens to be my reason , whether or not it was a wise one, the deed is done and the book has been read and we cannot unread it . What I want to focus now on is my response to this book and that should include a response to Asa or an indirect one to a sex worker or anyone with unbridled passion .
I’ll start first with what I liked about this book and Asa. She is an unapologetic porn maker. She loves porn and she would fight to do this for the rest of her life if she could . She isn’t afraid of society’s judgements, definitely not her parents , totally given up to her physical desires with no regret . As a Christian , I should see this as a failure , but I have chosen to see the unapologetic’ness’ as a neutral thing and the love for a cause too as a goodness on it’s own right , but If I pool them together with pornography , yes, then Asa to me is on a terribly wrong path . The problem here is Asa loves to have sex and the thoughts of people responding( to put it in a mild way ) on their Tv screens, lying to their spouse or girlfriends as they watch her gives her a huge high in her work. She lives for these moments and the attention .
What would make a grown woman who wasn’t in anyway having finacial hardships from a stable home willingly choose to do porn? I have stuck with demon possession and innate human pervasion is not too far too from the answer.We all have desires in us to do wrong , some are drawn more intensely to other vices like the bottle (indiscriminate consumption here) and yes others can be drawn to sex and become addicted to it . Sex is pleasurable and as Screwtape from C. S Lewis book ” Screwtape’s letters” stated, satan and the demons cannot create a virtue, they only use what God has made to make people fall. Sex was made by God, the over indulgence or under indulgence in legitimate situations can lead to trouble , in other words to be made a vice and a stumbling block in a person’s life .
This book is filled with pages and pages of people going on at each other . There are no intellectual conversations, no jokes are off limits in this world or friends whose common interest is in different kinds of penetration they practice on each other . Sex fetishes with brutal, violent sex is the norm, and warped sexual identities seem normal in this world . To put it mildly in Frank Kelly’s voice from “Father Ted” , everyone is “fecking ” and they are happy about it .
Somewhere in this book , Asa describes the kind of man she likes. She is never attracted to men who are anything but super-masculine. Things like body hair , mismatching clothes, and messy table manners are on the pro-side of the list and she finds girls who look like men . In her sexual relations with a man she pretended to herself was not gay , she enjoyed degrading him and calling him a “faggot” . They enjoyed it and as she says ” Of course, what we were feeling was not love . It was our insecurities playing out in the most f*cked up , counter productive way “. Here, there is no concern about anything but the moment, a dangerous moment in time. No future thoughts, no concerns about the “stayability ” and long term”ness” of having a man who behaves like an immature child(not that immaturity is bad on it’s own , but on a grown man ?) as well as the self -hate .
Human beings are made to worship and to be loved. When we cannot find something appropriate , we will settle for less and worship this thing that we have made . Asa loved it when someone who was seen to be important, a sugar dad kind of figure , would come for her many times even when the rest had been ditched after the first time . I’d say , just like everyone, the need to feel special is what drives her primal instinct. yes, she has confessed to this , but the direstion her impulses have been driven at are wrong . Do I think Asa is human ? yes, she is and should be respected because we all have these desires . It is the misdirection that separates .
Another thing Asa did was or maybe is(I don’t know what she is currently doing) is take drugs. She says she is not addicted but she at some point in her life has felt a need for the “high”. Her need to conceal her job from a hairdresser led her to lie about non existent jobs and a non existent relationship status . I am not saying pornography leads to lying or taking drugs even though Asa says she would find it hard trusting a porn actress much (so go figure), but it seems to me that one vice definitely leads to the other .
I had sympathy for her when she told the story of her sexual molestation by a boy at the airport . After some small talk , he got up to board , but before that he touched her breast and gave it a squeeze . Asa ended up crying and feeling shaken . Maybe, you’d say she deserves it , afterall she does this for a living , but no , none of that is right . How she choses to give out her body should still be within the limits of her control and so yes, boys should be taught how to respect women , all women’s bodies until they have been given consent.
Loneliness. We all feel it at some point . Asa too. I think a major part of her life has got to be loneliness . That is the only way I can explain the last scene of violent sex with her husband. Asa has substituted sexual acts that make her feel good for love . Love is not something that makes you see shooting stars on the beach , it is not cum on your face . It is definitely not a man who makes you lick his toes to his erhh… and drags you all the way to give you a slap . Asa may have experienced love , maybe loves and is being loved by her husband as she claims, but I think she has settled for far less than her sexual desires have got to offer. Not even the awards she has amassed in four years is worth her job and this is not just my opinion.
The bible says :
1 Thessalonians 4:3
For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality.
Asa’s job falls under sexual immorality . If there was no God, fine , but there is one and somehow what we do with our bodies is His great concern and He would rather we treated it as a temple for His spirit and for union with our spouse alone .
Final words. Every girl gets horny too but no , Asa’s way is not the way we “let go ” and become free. such freedom is bondage and we should have enough self – control to wait until we can explore rightly .