I don’t know what type of words to use to describe September, but it is about to end with a special kind of silence that I cannot shake off. Like a long heavy drape with silence dusts spread on it. A hill of silence. I don’t know if it is because of the tiredness of the week pounded into my body and mind, helping me to enter a certain kind of cognitive dissonance, but I am weary and have been overly stimulated, that all I want is to sleep for a long , long time. Try as I did, I could not, and just when sleep was precious, I needed to wake up to do human things, like feed myself and my pets and swallow many times because I felt that familiar offshoot of a sore throat which had to be medicated with tea, just in case.
I feel thoughtful and serious, but it’s too early to judge the limits of this one. I have enough experiences with myself to know that I become really thoughtful when I am hungry and tired, which is why fasts help clear my mind and obsessions many times. A pity I have stopped taking this part of my spiritual life seriously.More things become less important after a fast.There’s always something to learn about the position of man in relation to God when you’re hungry and focused on the human situation.Starvation is different from a voluntary fast, but Still.
There are so many things this month has shown me but I don’t know where to begin, more because nothing is really distinct as I think they should be. Since this is the first thing that has come into my mind, I’ll just mention it, that I feel this month has left me feeling okay with being ignorant about many things.one of my goals now is to make mistakes with pride and some class. And I don’t mean going around to insult people, I mean being less worried about my false, incomplete ideas about things, my ignorant opinion which are subject to change, on being properly convinced to dither away from previous misconception. I’ll summarize this as saying, I am open to education and re education. This month has left me feeling that I am not at my complete stage of manifestation. Sounds like high, spiritual language that I did not intend to use, but it conveys my point of not being rigid in my ideas about life, people, concepts. It’s interesting, I believe, that life can unfold and show you new sides you never thought existed.
I am going to put in more effort in the next month to be more diligent, more accepting of myself, more hardworking and to keep learning. There’s nothing much to do and I have the time to learn and study and I will hang on to my faith that God will be there with me even till old age. This is one thing I will believe in more strongly in the coming days. Faith is not written on the face, so it’s little wonder people with seemingly equal countenance have different results in life. And let’s face it, trusting God is exciting. At least, you know that something will be up in your life and one thing life will not be for you, is boring. God makes the ride worthwhile.