Early musings…

Last year, I was shown some pictures of a well known photographer from my state and I don’t remember much of what I saw, but a story has stayed with me since then. This photo story was about a young woman in her mid twenties, an intelligent woman with interesting and witty answers, until she said that she liked watching Telemundo and that was her guilty pleasure. Telemundo has a reputation amongst sapiosexuals as a place where Iq’s come to play London bridge is falling down, and there is no resuscitation, so I was intrigued by this intelligent woman who felt unashamed for enjoying proudly what is seen to be trashy. That day changed my ideas about I felt should be follow ups in people. So many times I’ve seen people who I’d consider to be academic with tastes in music that feel like opposites and my curiosity has not led me to any answers but just a lingering fascination and in a way that has given me permission to be. To just be.

Many times, people wonder about how I switch from old lady mode to very naughty and unserious.The latter is really my favorite mode to be in. It’s like being bilingual, because sometimes I could be in one and at the same time, operating in the other mode on some level. I’ve tried for instance to be one of them for a while, but I always succeed in interrupting myself and have to accept that I am just a mix and do not want to be anything else. Cannot be. 

I’m beginning to enjoy the benefits of aging in a way I’ve never really before now.More because I have increased consciousness of what is happening, I think. I’m beginning to notice that variables can be constants and vice versa. The way I engage with my thoughts and ideas are different. One thing I am losing is intensity. This is something whose status I’m not really sure about; can’t say if it is positive or negative and how much. A hypothesis of mine is that this might be as a result of over exposure to same things. Just like billionaires in a room see nothing extraordinary in themselves, and peers in the same field, excelling at almost the same level understand each other’s brilliance without feeling as intimidated as someone outside that circle,or another one; celebrities who are separating from other, when the rest of the world are dying to buy the sand they’ve walked on and pay a lot to touch them ,this is the same way I am beginning to feel about about things as they continually become common place and ordinary. ‘Deep’ things like a girl staring in the distance from a window, a guy with tatoos and smoke coming from his lips,  an artist dancing with the expression of agony on the face, have lost their meaning to me. 

I had no new year resolutions and if I did, I do not remember them. One thing I know however is that the power of visualization is real. It’s worked for me and that’s one thing I will be using more often. It is as the word on faith, on believing what is not yet seen.There have been silent episodes of what I’d call my mischievous journey with God. Calling Him mischievous doesn’t feel proper, but I’ve had an experience this year where I could not control myself in an area, and this has nothing to do with self control for a sin with the conclusion that I probably don’t have the Holy spirit and that is why I have this problem. The thing is quite unique and I understand the lessons I am learning from it, about the way I interact with myself, with people and how it must be to wear other people’s shoes. Forgive the vagueness of this story…

If there’s anything I’ve learnt this year, it’s that there is a lot I don’t know. It’s that I am young. It’s that I can wear my heart on my sleeve. It’s that I have the ability to hurt people and it is also that I can accept that some people do not like me. This again is part of growing up and being able to let things slide..

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One thought on “Early musings…

  1. “If there’s anything I’ve learnt this year, it’s that there is a lot I don’t know. It’s that I am young. It’s that I can wear my heart on my sleeve. It’s that I have the ability to hurt people and it is also that I can accept that some people do not like me. ”

    This!

    Liked by 1 person

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