The tragedy of growth…

 And it comes with a pruning, grafting, destruction. In fact what comes with it is like a steam engine, fast, noisy sometimes; ruin,desolation and a change.Bent beneath many options and voices, like the ones that call us to be humble, to come down as it were from our horses, to see that all men are but dust and greatness or lack of it is lighter than air. Lighter than air. Yet, there is substance in us, because it is matter that has weight and can be deformed or formed into something else; a hybrid, a better you.

I am at loss many times on how to complement Christian forgetfulness with human development and improvements.What I mean is, in Christ we are found. we are something only in Him and outside of Him, as Zac Poonen likes to repeat, we are zero’s. Which means all our praises, possessions are not what define us and whatever we have was not meant to separate us from others, but to be used to uplift others, as a service, because more means responsibility, more servanthood terms and not a chance to become proud and separate. To cut out and form a clique. Yet, at the same time, there is a separateness between me and the ones unlike me; disinterested parties who do not share my hobbies, my amusements, and not just disinterested, but unable to; illiterate. How does one reconcile the commandment to love with a need to find one’s own tribe? does love of such people who are different from us mean we do not have to enjoy their company because they cannot offer us anything stimulating–stuff we are used to? and does this merely mean that love is not hurting people by intruding in ways that makes their survival difficult?

My questions spring from the way I have separated myself from people and how messages similar to Zac Poonen want to make me ashamed and guilty. It’s been a cycle. I usually ‘repent’ and later try to keep in touch with such persons and five minutes later, regret the decision, because in the end we do not match, and if truth be told, we irritate each other, or actually just me–I cannot stand their company even though I would rather that I could. Our conversations do not revolve around the same things. After confirming that they are fine and I am fine, I want to race off, because I know another five minutes of sustained interest is impossible. How then do we practice love and fellowship? Why does this always feel worlds apart? What do we do with people we try to avoid? polite smiles as we try to engage in naivety? How do we cope without being jerks and losing our consciences? Is this not the tragedy of growth?


2 thoughts on “The tragedy of growth…

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