I like the sound of 2017, mainly because of the number 7. I was born on the 17th of June. My aptitude test seat number was number 17. I have a long history with the number 7 and next year will make it 7 years since I lost my mother, and I will have an odd number for my age as well. For some people, odd numbers are unsettling, for me, even numbers lack the jutting angle of excitement, so I am really excited about 2017.
My new year resolutions( primary school style) include:
I think it was two days ago when I went to a cosmetic shop to buy some things. It was about 8.30 in the morning. So I held the main door to the building which houses the smaller one with the cosmetic department and was about to close it because people are quite touchy these days about having to manage cold air coming into their offices because thoughtless visitors don’t know doors can be closed. Unfortunately for me, I mistakenly brushed a woman who’d been closely following me behind. She complained in Russian saying ‘ arghhh! girllll’ . Thinking about this, I realise the distance she gave me was rather too close, cars on the road follow each other at safe distances to prevent accidents. Shouldn’t humans do this too? The thing is, she sort of ruined my mood, because on this particular day I was doing all I could to prevent having another episode of this. I will tell you about this in a minute.
This was me going to the police station some days ago too, to get my international passport made. I did not know where to ask for assistance, so I asked someone and was directed to the director’s office to get information. There was a queue in the room close to hers and so I asked people who they were waiting for. No one seemed to be on the queue to the director’s office and I knocked and got in, looking for who the director was. She was sitting with a man and the chairs arrangement made it look like he was also working there. This was my misplaced assumption because the truth of the matter was he was her guest and so she asked me if I could not see she was busy with someone and I should wait outside. I apologized and did. Now this made me extra careful of offending anyone and so when that woman voiced her displeasure when it was obvious to me that she had been following me at an abnormal distance,I was pissed at the situation even though I apologized without looking at her face, and quickly suppressed memories of it, because I decided I cannot look out for everyone. If I hit you mistakenly , all I can do is say sorry and I know for a fact your turn of body misjudgment will occur and you will have to say sorry to someone someday as well. That being said, my new year resolution has as its first:
1) To not get upset and irritated by people . I have decided that if I cannot control other peoples reactions, that I will control mine. Do as you want others to do to you, so that if I am the object of unjust criticisms, I can at least say, I wouldn’t have done that to you if I were you. It’s not a matter of superiority or gloating, but one that will give me peace and prove to me that there is always a better alternative than accusing people quickly of wanting to intentionally harm you, sulking because of it and further uttering mean words with lasting effects for what occurred in very few seconds or minutes at most.
2) To articulate my wants more. I am a people pleaser. I don’t want people to to through all the trouble with me and so it is very typical and common of me to say yes to requests that I don’t want to fulfil or the agree that something has met my specifications when it hasn’t. This is because I want to be kind and not hurt feelings. Now it might look like it is at odds with what number one is all about, but it isn’t. While number one has lots of passive aggressive behaviour, number two has polite and reasonable confrontation with the aim of fostering understanding and not petty pickings on another person.I want to be louder this year. My voice should be louder, my requests should be clearer and specifications as well. I want to be the type of person to say ‘ I like this and this but I think this is not for me, I am sorry’.
3) I want to invest in my friendships with people. This year I want to be able to have friends I can lean on and who can lean on me practically. Nothing less. I need to see that this friendship is not only for laughs and jokes but that something tangible has changed, whether it is ideas that have been shared, changing habits and perspectives. Are my friends the kind of people I can talk to when I am feeling low or am I prone to hide and run away from them when this happens? Are they the kind of people I am afraid of asking to talk to me? Am I too polite to disturb them? All these things will be ruthlessly dealt with. I cannot keep anyone that I am too polite about their time and interests in me. We Will be friends only if this is mutual. Nothing less. And this goes for me too. I want to be a more reliable person.
3b) Make sure I work this year. Get a job or many jobs. Fail in many if it needs to happen, but I must work this year by all means.
4) Finally and by no means less important, I want to be more prayerful and closer to God than I have ever been.